Squirrels playing dead?

Several videos of squirrels 'playing dead' have appeared on the internet in recent weeks. The first appears to be a single squirrel testing the tactic to assess its impact on humans:


The second, and perhaps more disturbing video involves two squirrels practicing some form of martial arts. One lays motionless for a couple seconds, while the other looks on baffled - acting as a human most likely would in such a situation. This mock battle is a clear indication that battle plans are being formed.


Although in the northern US, most squirrels will go into hibernation soon (if not already), southern squirrels are expected to continue their training throughout the winter. It is predicted that squirrel attacks will reach an all time high in the spring when the northern reinforcements come out of hibernation.

flaming kamikaze squirrels falling from the sky!

in New Jersey:
Flaming squirrel ignites car in Bayonne
by N. Clark Judd
Thursday October 18, 2007, 7:29 PM


It's Rocky the Frying Squirrel!

A kamikaze squirrel fell from the sky and detonated a Bayonne woman's car yesterday, police said today.


Lindsey Millar, 23, and her brother, Tony, 22, were both home Wednesday at about 12:45 p.m. when Lindsey's car suddenly started burning outside their 42nd Street home.

Tony Millar said firefighters told them it was the work of a buck-toothed saboteur that had been gnawing on overhead power lines connected to a transformer directly above the 2006 Toyota Camry.

"The squirrel chewed through the wire, was set on fire, fell down directly to where the car was," Tony Millar said. "The squirrel, on fire, slid into the engine compartment and blew up the car.
"They're always coming around here, chewing through the garbage," he added.

Tony Millar says his sister was fully insured.

"It's something to laugh about once she has a new car," he said. "It's not funny yet."
Police said there were no injuries -- except for the squirrel, that is, which is dead.

The Millars' home is decorated for Halloween, complete with a tiny plastic tombstone on their front lawn. Tony Millar said the family will consider dedicating the tombstone to the squirrel, who was not named.

This is just days after a substation attack in Missouri:

An AmerenIP official says a squirrel got into the Mitchell Street substation early Saturday morning setting off a three hour power outage for a large part of the south side of Centralia. The company estimates 800 lost power when the damage occurred around eight Saturday morning. The squirrel set off a small explosion and fire when getting into the equipment.
a separate plot in Kentucky succeeded - for the third time!

Squirrel causes third power outage
Power went out in parts of Central campus at about 4 p.m. yesterday after a squirrel chewed through electrical wiring, according to university officials.

The outage occurred from Research Building 3, between the Kentucky Clinic and Scovel Hall on South Limestone Street, to around McVey Hall.

It is the third time this semester a squirrel chewing through wiring has led to power failure, said UK Associate Vice President for Facilities Bob Wiseman. The outages have occurred on each of the main campus' power grids.

"This is not uncommon, but it is uncommon for it to happen to all three power grids," Wiseman said.

UK is in the first stage of planning ways to stop squirrels from chewing through the wiring, Wiseman said.

"Ironically, we got more preliminary pricing on squirrel guards today," he said.

Another in Indiana:
Squirrel causes brief power outage, loud noise

STAFF REPORTS

What some people initially thought was a shotgun blast turned out to be a squirrel this morning on Lafayette's south side.

According to Duke Energy spokeswoman Angeline Protogere, a squirrel interfered with an electrical line near Beck Lane and 18th Street shortly before 8 a.m.

The squirrel caused a line fuse to blow, that shut down power for 11 area homes, she said.

According to Lafayette police, the loud noise created when the fuse blew sounded like a shotgun blast to some who reported it.

All power was restored by 8:51 a.m.

And even one in Canton, Ohio:

Squirrel causes power outage for an hour and a half
UPDATE: 11:13 AM, Tuesday, October 9, 2007
REPOSITORY STAFF REPORT
CANTON Power has been restored to the 1,700 homes and businesses that lost electricity when a squirrel was electrocuted at a power station on Whipple Avenue NW this morning.

The outage occurred at 10:18 a.m. and ended when repairs were completed at 11:56 a.m., said Shelly Haugh of the American Electric Power Co.

And apparently, they have already conquered England, according to a headline in the Yale Daily News that reads:
Gray squirrels went, saw, conquered England
and it appears Canada is the next target:

Squirrels invade Esquimalt home
--> -->By Keith Vass

News staff

Oct 12 2007

Grey squirrels are wreaking havoc on one Esquimalt homeowner and she's asking the township for help to control the critters.

"I feel like I'm under attack from them," said Judy Morton.

Morton has lived in her house on Rockcrest Avenue for five years and was just a few blocks away before that. The squirrels moved into the neighbourhood six or seven years ago and quickly took over, she said.

"Within two years of their first appearance, there were no red squirrels left at all."

The squirrels were attracted to her property by the Garry oaks that grow on it and large rocks they perch on.

Morton said she's spent $10,000 repairing damage the squirrels have done and installing heavy screens to keep them out of her house.

"I found all kinds of shredded insulation on the side of my house, they had gone in and just ripped it up," she said.

From there, the squirrels' next destination was the attic.

"It was totally amazing the damage they did. The plastic sheets were ripped off and the pink insulation was all in bits."

She hired a pest control company to come in and trap the squirrels. It caught four, but Morton said the problem hasn't gone away.

A neighbour, who Morton prefers not to name, told her she's trapped and drowned 37 squirrels in an effort to protect songbirds.

"I don't see them in the house, but I see them around in my garden and they're very, very busy and there's many of them," said Morton.

"I can hear them if they're on the roof. Of course, if there were any in the house, I would have the pest control people here immediately."

Peanut shells she's found lying around signal to her that people are feeding them.

"I think people have no idea (squirrels) can cause fires and all kinds of things besides getting into your house," said Morton.

Morton is looking to the town, the regional district and the province to control the infestation. She made a presentation to Esquimalt council Monday, but Morton said her calls to the Capital Regional District have not been returned.

Coun. Basil Boulton assured Morton her squirrel problem is no laughing matter, but said it's really outside of the town's jurisdiction.

But council did vote to ask the parks and recreation department to prepare a report on the situation.

Peter Pauwels, field supervisor with the Ministry of Environment's conservation officer service, said the province doesn't intervene with grey squirrel infestations, even though it is an invasive species.

"It's similar to rats and rabbits, it's really up to the homeowner," he said.

There have been no reports of rabies in the squirrel population, but because they could carry other diseases, it's best to hire professional trappers to catch the rodents, said Pauwels.

Once caught, destroying the animals is the only option. "Moving them around only spreads the problem," Pauwels said.

My dad even commented today on the number of squirrels in the area, complaining that they are tearing up his lawn. For all we know, they've already conquered Canada, and have crossed into Michigan already and are carrying out their diabolical plans as we speak.

also, these storms tonight are pretty cool. wish they were closer though.

squirrels burn down city hall

In northern Alabama:

Red Bay's new jail ready for inspection

The past year-and-a-half has been a whirlwind for Police Chief Pat Creel.

The department has been working out of the Franklin County Sheriff's Office substation in Red Bay since a fire destroyed the town's municipal building May 13, 2006, after a squirrel caused a power line to fall across the building, which also housed city hall.

"Has it been that long?" Creel said, as if asking himself.

Final inspections on a new jail, built on the old city hall site, are planned for Thursday and Friday. An open house is planned for Dec. 2.

"We may start moving in that afternoon," Creel said.

The 3,500-square-foot facility will include four cells, where the previous jail only had two.

"There were always problems in the old jail because we would have to move people around if we had a female inmate," Mayor Jeff Reid said.

Each cell will have its own shower so inmates will not have to be moved from their cells.

"It will keep our dispatchers from having to move the prisoners," Creel said. "Everything will be self-contained, and there won't have to be a lot of interaction with the inmates except for taking them out for exercise."

The jail also will have a training room for conferences and meetings. In the old building, officers would have to use the city council meeting room for large gatherings.

"We will have about three times as much room as we did have," Creel said.

The Red Bay Police Department has six full-time and officers one part-time officer as well as four full-time and two part-time dispatchers in addition to Creel.

"We are going to have a place set up for the sheriff's office in case they ever need to use our facility," Creel said. "They really helped us by letting us use their substation. I am sure the sheriff never thought we would be there for a year-and-a-half, but they were very helpful to us by providing that and keeping our inmates at the county jail."

A new city hall has already opened on Fourth Avenue, the main road through town.

City hall operations were moved to a downtown storefront after the fire.

The city secured a $150,000 grant for the work on the two facilities.

"We didn't have to borrow any money," Reid said. "Both of these facilities are great for the town and something that should last for years to come."

Creel said each room in the two buildings is built so that fires would not easily spread from one room to another.

"In theory, if one of the rooms caught on fire, it would take 30 to 45 minutes to get through to another room," he said.

As one of the world's foremost experts on the subject of squirrel terrorism, It is my recommendation that snipers need to be positioned immediately on the roof of this building, 24/7, to look out for future attacks, and on all other buildings in similar situations where a power line could fall on the building. For example, there's high-voltage lines above Courtland Center in Burton, right above our Home Store, and the substation across the street has already been the focus of one attack. Clearly we have been negligent and have ignored this threat in the past, but the American people must unite against this common enemy. No expense is too great.

In times like these, where squirrel attacks are imminent, it is easy to get discouraged and feel that perhaps we should give in to the enemy. But remember the words of a great leader:

"After all that has just passed -- all the lives taken, and all the possibilities and hopes that died with them -- it is natural to wonder if America's future is one of fear. Some speak of an age of terror. I know there are struggles ahead, and dangers to face. But this country will define our times, not be defined by them. As long as the United States of America is determined and strong, this will not be an age of terror; this will be an age of liberty, here and across the world.

Great harm has been done to us. We have suffered great loss. And in our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment. Freedom and fear are at war. The advance of human freedom -- the great achievement of our time, and the great hope of every time -- now depends on us. Our nation -- this generation -- will lift a dark threat of violence from our people and our future. We will rally the world to this cause by our efforts, by our courage. We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail."

Keep these inspiring words in your heart and head as we go into future battles with these criminal rodents. It will be a long, hard battle, but it is one that we will win.

Squirrel Terrorist Training Camp discovered in Britain!

A terrorist training camp, designed especially for squirrels, has been discovered! Apparently, judging by the accents in the video, Britain harbors the beasts and not only allows, but assists them in setting up training camps! So much for being an ally, huh - they're assisting the enemy! Perhaps we should invade Britain next.



Thankfully, some people are fighting back!



thanks to larry for sending me the tip on the terrorist training camp.

Defense Planning

In response to my last blog posting, Catherine said the following:

and these are only the attacks that have been attributed to squirrels. what about the ones where the squirrels cleverly framed other animals...like bears.

i think i would pick a good wide frying pan or if they made wood or metal woofa ball bats. i am not that good of a hitter with something like a baseball bat, but with a frying pan you have a really big sweet spot.

however, if they were coming at me 100 on 1, i would want a tennis racket. a frying pan would be too heavy. if 100 squirrels come to attack your home and you know ahead of time, surround your home with not quite empty yogurt containers. the kind that are more narrow at the top. squirrels can't resist them, nor can they get their little heads out of them.

Excellent plan! I think we should write to our congressmen and request government assistance. The Pentagon should immediately implement a proposal to surround every home and place of business in America with thousands of not-quite-empty yogurt containers with narrow tops. This is vital to national security, more so than terrorism, because these determined creatures will stop at nothing. They lurk in our trees, they roam freely in our yards and parks, and no one even knows the exact number of them or when or where they will strike next.

The bad thing about a frying pan is that it only reaches a foot or so past your arm, where as a louisville slugger reaches almost 3 feet past it. I'm not sure I feel comfortable allowing these horribly vicious squirrels that close to me. I'm not sure about a tennis racket either, cause that probably won't take them out permanently. At best it may stun them, allowing them to regroup for a second attack, possibly with reinforcements. But if you're stuck and that's all you have left to use to defend yourself, do it, and anything else you need to do to remove these vile beasts from our land.

Squirrels attack!

Reports of squirrel attacks seem to be on the rise in the past few days. Catherine clued me into one, although details were sketchy at first, it appears a Florida state trooper, a 3 year old child, a day care worker, and a construction worker were all attacked before the beast (assuming it was just one, and not several as originally believed) was finally captured and put down.

And now it appears a power outage affecting 3200 homes and businesses in Vermont is the fault of a single kamikaze squirrel. This reminded me of a few years ago, when we (Penney's, and a good chunk of Burton) lost power due to a squirrel attacking the substation across the street. The perpetrator was pictured on the front page of the Journal the next day, still dangling, crispy and charred, from the wire he sabotaged. While it is easy to think these attacks are random, it appears they are building up to a larger attack. Don't say I didn't warn you.

It appears I am not the only one to be warning others of the iminent dangers we face from the forces of the squirrel terrorists. Although the picture is clearly a photoshop (Giant mutant squirrels are actually only about half that size), the article offers some good advice for protection during the impending attacks. Although he is concerned that frying pans are not a good weapon when compared to projectile weapons, keep in mind that squirrels outnumber us by, conservatively, three to one. I figure they have a couple options for their attack strategy - attack everyone in the country at once, averaging 3 squirrels for person, having the advantage of surprise, or move from one area to another, attacking in massive hordes, more like 100+ for each person. But either way, since they have plenty of backup, prepare to lose a lot of ammo, so unless you're some kind of nut that has enough in your basement to supply a small country, you may want to keep some other weapons on hand for when ammunition becomes scarce, and I would think frying pans, Louisville sluggers, and/or katanas would be fine choices.

Squirrel Arsonists

Fire investigators are pinning several recent spot fires near Seeley Lake on an unlikely group of arsonists - squirrels.

A man reported the wildfires last Wednesday afternoon outside his home on Montana Highway 83, moments after turning the ignition key on his RV.

Unbeknownst to the driver, a local colony of gray squirrels had been stowing pine cones in the vehicle's exhaust pipe, and the loaded tailpipe began blasting fiery cones across his driveway like a Roman candle, igniting a handful of small grass fires.

http://www.missoulian.com/articles/2007/09/11/news/local/news05.txt

This is merely the first wave. Note the appearance of innocence by using the heat of a car's exhuast to ignite their deadly projectiles. Soon, there will be no need to maintain this facade, and they will use their superheated tails to light them directly.

Don't say i didn't warn you...

evil man eating squirrels

On a friend's blog I theorized that bears do not in fact eat people, but it is the squirrels that do. As time went on, I found more and more information that supports this claim, and what was part of my own blog soon began to take on a life of its own. so here it is, from the beginning...

Today I read that it was recently discovered that squirrels have a secret weapon - a superheated tail. Well, maybe not superheated, but at least hotter than you would expect a squirrel tail to be. I think that soon we will find that not only do they eat tourists, but that they roast them over their tails and have a nice human-steak cooked to their tastes.

I'm sure you're laughing now, as you probably did when I warned you of the sharp increase in the reported number of velociraptor attacks. But someday, when you are faced with a gang of squirrels with fedoras and tommy guns and 1929 Buicks, you will remember - their tail is the secret weapon. Disable it, and you may yet survive.

You're still screwed if you're attacked by a velociraptor.

The Beginning

Ah... back to where it all began. Collected from a friend's blog:

Protecting yourself from dangerous Terrain is not that big of a deal, but there are also dangerous wild animals in New Mexico. As we drove into the town where we were staying, two coyotes crossed our paths right in the middle of the road. This made me very glad that we didn't stop and try to relieve ourselves on the side of the road. The next day we went to the park to see the historical Indian cave, and as we were driving in, we stopped and took pictures of a rattle snake. I was slightly ticked at the fam for not warning me that there might be rattlers where we were going to be hiking. On our way back from the historical Indian cave, we kept being asked if we saw the bear. I guess there was a bear in the middle of the path at one point and one family didn't make it back because of him. My guess is that the bear ate the whole family. Another animal that they have in New Mexico but is very rare is the squirrel. My little niece got very excited when she saw the squirrel. They are so rare that at the park gift store they sell postcards of little squirrels so you can remember what they look like.

Maybe the squirrel ate the family and blamed it on the bear. i mean, really, when you see a bear, you stay away, right? you're not going to expect it to eat food from your hand or anything. so how would they get eaten by a bear? but a squirrel just sits around being all cute, until you get close to feed it, or worse, it hides in a tree and then attacks from above.

if a squirrel ate a whole family, that squirrel would grow to be the size of a bear. maybe that is where the confusion set in.

Think about it, it's a squirrel - it buries the bodies and digs them up when it gets hungry. so it wouldn't necessarily grow that big. plus they have a crazy metabolism. they're like a kid with ADHD on crack, all running up and down trees and along powerlines and all that crazy stuff that any normal animal can't do. they burn those calories off fast.