A terrorist training camp, designed especially for squirrels, has been discovered! Apparently, judging by the accents in the video, Britain harbors the beasts and not only allows, but assists them in setting up training camps! So much for being an ally, huh - they're assisting the enemy! Perhaps we should invade Britain next.
Thankfully, some people are fighting back!
thanks to larry for sending me the tip on the terrorist training camp.
22 September 2007
21 September 2007
Defense Planning
In response to my last blog posting, Catherine said the following:
Excellent plan! I think we should write to our congressmen and request government assistance. The Pentagon should immediately implement a proposal to surround every home and place of business in America with thousands of not-quite-empty yogurt containers with narrow tops. This is vital to national security, more so than terrorism, because these determined creatures will stop at nothing. They lurk in our trees, they roam freely in our yards and parks, and no one even knows the exact number of them or when or where they will strike next.
The bad thing about a frying pan is that it only reaches a foot or so past your arm, where as a louisville slugger reaches almost 3 feet past it. I'm not sure I feel comfortable allowing these horribly vicious squirrels that close to me. I'm not sure about a tennis racket either, cause that probably won't take them out permanently. At best it may stun them, allowing them to regroup for a second attack, possibly with reinforcements. But if you're stuck and that's all you have left to use to defend yourself, do it, and anything else you need to do to remove these vile beasts from our land.
and these are only the attacks that have been attributed to squirrels. what about the ones where the squirrels cleverly framed other animals...like bears.
i think i would pick a good wide frying pan or if they made wood or metal woofa ball bats. i am not that good of a hitter with something like a baseball bat, but with a frying pan you have a really big sweet spot.
however, if they were coming at me 100 on 1, i would want a tennis racket. a frying pan would be too heavy. if 100 squirrels come to attack your home and you know ahead of time, surround your home with not quite empty yogurt containers. the kind that are more narrow at the top. squirrels can't resist them, nor can they get their little heads out of them.
Excellent plan! I think we should write to our congressmen and request government assistance. The Pentagon should immediately implement a proposal to surround every home and place of business in America with thousands of not-quite-empty yogurt containers with narrow tops. This is vital to national security, more so than terrorism, because these determined creatures will stop at nothing. They lurk in our trees, they roam freely in our yards and parks, and no one even knows the exact number of them or when or where they will strike next.
The bad thing about a frying pan is that it only reaches a foot or so past your arm, where as a louisville slugger reaches almost 3 feet past it. I'm not sure I feel comfortable allowing these horribly vicious squirrels that close to me. I'm not sure about a tennis racket either, cause that probably won't take them out permanently. At best it may stun them, allowing them to regroup for a second attack, possibly with reinforcements. But if you're stuck and that's all you have left to use to defend yourself, do it, and anything else you need to do to remove these vile beasts from our land.
20 September 2007
Squirrels attack!
Reports of squirrel attacks seem to be on the rise in the past few days. Catherine clued me into one, although details were sketchy at first, it appears a Florida state trooper, a 3 year old child, a day care worker, and a construction worker were all attacked before the beast (assuming it was just one, and not several as originally believed) was finally captured and put down.
And now it appears a power outage affecting 3200 homes and businesses in Vermont is the fault of a single kamikaze squirrel. This reminded me of a few years ago, when we (Penney's, and a good chunk of Burton) lost power due to a squirrel attacking the substation across the street. The perpetrator was pictured on the front page of the Journal the next day, still dangling, crispy and charred, from the wire he sabotaged. While it is easy to think these attacks are random, it appears they are building up to a larger attack. Don't say I didn't warn you.
It appears I am not the only one to be warning others of the iminent dangers we face from the forces of the squirrel terrorists. Although the picture is clearly a photoshop (Giant mutant squirrels are actually only about half that size), the article offers some good advice for protection during the impending attacks. Although he is concerned that frying pans are not a good weapon when compared to projectile weapons, keep in mind that squirrels outnumber us by, conservatively, three to one. I figure they have a couple options for their attack strategy - attack everyone in the country at once, averaging 3 squirrels for person, having the advantage of surprise, or move from one area to another, attacking in massive hordes, more like 100+ for each person. But either way, since they have plenty of backup, prepare to lose a lot of ammo, so unless you're some kind of nut that has enough in your basement to supply a small country, you may want to keep some other weapons on hand for when ammunition becomes scarce, and I would think frying pans, Louisville sluggers, and/or katanas would be fine choices.
And now it appears a power outage affecting 3200 homes and businesses in Vermont is the fault of a single kamikaze squirrel. This reminded me of a few years ago, when we (Penney's, and a good chunk of Burton) lost power due to a squirrel attacking the substation across the street. The perpetrator was pictured on the front page of the Journal the next day, still dangling, crispy and charred, from the wire he sabotaged. While it is easy to think these attacks are random, it appears they are building up to a larger attack. Don't say I didn't warn you.
It appears I am not the only one to be warning others of the iminent dangers we face from the forces of the squirrel terrorists. Although the picture is clearly a photoshop (Giant mutant squirrels are actually only about half that size), the article offers some good advice for protection during the impending attacks. Although he is concerned that frying pans are not a good weapon when compared to projectile weapons, keep in mind that squirrels outnumber us by, conservatively, three to one. I figure they have a couple options for their attack strategy - attack everyone in the country at once, averaging 3 squirrels for person, having the advantage of surprise, or move from one area to another, attacking in massive hordes, more like 100+ for each person. But either way, since they have plenty of backup, prepare to lose a lot of ammo, so unless you're some kind of nut that has enough in your basement to supply a small country, you may want to keep some other weapons on hand for when ammunition becomes scarce, and I would think frying pans, Louisville sluggers, and/or katanas would be fine choices.
19 September 2007
Squirrel Arsonists
Fire investigators are pinning several recent spot fires near Seeley Lake on an unlikely group of arsonists - squirrels.
A man reported the wildfires last Wednesday afternoon outside his home on Montana Highway 83, moments after turning the ignition key on his RV.
Unbeknownst to the driver, a local colony of gray squirrels had been stowing pine cones in the vehicle's exhaust pipe, and the loaded tailpipe began blasting fiery cones across his driveway like a Roman candle, igniting a handful of small grass fires.
http://www.missoulian.com/articles/2007/09/11/news/local/news05.txt
A man reported the wildfires last Wednesday afternoon outside his home on Montana Highway 83, moments after turning the ignition key on his RV.
Unbeknownst to the driver, a local colony of gray squirrels had been stowing pine cones in the vehicle's exhaust pipe, and the loaded tailpipe began blasting fiery cones across his driveway like a Roman candle, igniting a handful of small grass fires.
http://www.missoulian.com/articles/2007/09/11/news/local/news05.txt
This is merely the first wave. Note the appearance of innocence by using the heat of a car's exhuast to ignite their deadly projectiles. Soon, there will be no need to maintain this facade, and they will use their superheated tails to light them directly.
Don't say i didn't warn you...
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